When is the last time you celebrated yourself? When was the last time you gave a self-high-five for a job well done? When was the last time you sat back and reflected on all the hard work you have done? I’ll tell you the last time I did… never.
Today though, today I feel like celebrating. Today I feel like singing and dancing and congratulating myself on how far I have come.
A year ago, two years ago, hell for most of my life I felt like my life wasn’t mine. But now. I know it is. I make my own decisions and am regularly pleased with my outcomes. That means I’m making good choices for myself. That’s something that this year I am actively struggling with and trying to improve. I have will-power. I eat healthy because I know I should and I know it’s good for me, not because I feel pressured to be thin, or be vegan, or eat perfectly clean. I eat well and I eat what I like, I feel like my weight is under control and I have a daily work out routine. This is something that four years ago I was struggling to manage and found myself falling off the band wagon and never returning to. I used food and exercise as punishment, but I don’t punish myself anymore.
I said “No!” to someone yesterday! Saying “no” is very hard for me but yesterday I knew I had to to protect my peace. That’s something I would have sacrificed four months ago.
My novel has reached 5000 words! Sure, that’s nothing compared to the nearly 90K length some novels tend to be, but for a year my novel was at 0 words. Now, I’m at 5000, and I’m proud of every one. Intentional, meaningful words have been put into the first draft. I’m proud of that! I have been struggling to focus on this for months now. I could hardly tell you the plot let alone write it down. Now I have a synopsis, I can clearly tell you the message of my writing and I know most of the inciting actions that will occur throughout the story. PROGRESS!
Today started as a failure. Actually, this whole week has been a failure. While once I might have given up because everything seemed to be working against me – today I have broken a vase, a soap dispenser and the kitchen blinds and continued to completely deep clean my entire home. And because once I would have cancelled my entire party plans for my daughters birthday because my amazon order was cancelled without notice three separate times – Tomorrow, I’m going to go to the four different stores left on my list to complete shopping for her party.
Anxiety is a bitch. It has stopped my progress for so long. But I knew I wanted to be mentally stronger so I have been practicing healthy thoughts, and heathy habits so that I can grow. It has been hard work, rewiring unhealthy thought patterns, committing to working out even though no one is watching me and no cares what I look like, learning to love myself so that I can do the good things for myself. But I kept doing it and now I’m stronger. I will continue to get stronger too.
Can we celebrate today? How far have you come? I have come so far! And sure, I have SO much farther to go. I still deal with intimacy issues and setting up safe boundaries for myself and being a consistent parent, but I’m not who I was yesterday. I’m stronger than I was yesterday. I’m better than I was yesterday. And I’m happy for that!
It’s helpful to recognize where you are at. If you could see yourself from a birds eye view and see your own struggle from outside of yourself, you’d know you were on to something. Remember that! When the journey you are on gets to hard to travel anymore, set up camp and celebrate! Rest and encourage yourself. Treat yourself well, be kind to your spirit.
I thank my spirit for doing such a great job at leading me with my intuition.
I thank my mind for finding the focus I have been looking for for so long.
I thank my body for being healthy and being strong enough to get me through my day.