Tag: agnostic

Knowing the Truth.

Today’s blog is brought to you by another one of my weird cryptic dreams. I don’t always dream, but when I do… normally it means something to me. I don’t dream of flying or being in alien space ships like I did when I was a kid. I dream about deep stuff that’s effecting me […]

Spirituality Vs. Religion

As I have begun working on a novel recently the stark contrast between religion and spirituality has been glaringly obvious in the words I have been writing. It is my intention with the following paragraphs to begin exploring what that idea means to me. Spiritual law and Religious Law do not align. There are very […]

When God Stopped Making Sense.

Photo is the cover of the Japanese version of the novel “VALIS” by Phillip K Dick, which are the quotes referenced in the blog below. “Perhaps this is the bottom line to mental illness: incomprehensible events occur; your life becomes a bin for hoax-like fluctuations of what used to be reality. And not only that […]

Bitter & Spicy.

I didn’t hate myself until the first time I had my heart broken. I was very young, and I fell in love with a boy who was also very young. He preferred a certain flavor of women, and I was not that flavor, though I attempted to adjust myself accordingly. When the time came and […]

The Pain of Existence.

I sit here today with a cold empty nothingness that once held someone important. I think to myself, Why? Why is living so goddamn hard? Why is pain so inevitable? Where is the padded room for my tender loving soul? Why is life a box of broken glass and why do I keep reaching into […]

Don’t Live Anywhere But The Present.

I’m a classic over-thinker. Nightly, I revisit conversations that went poorly, times I didn’t speak up, moments I was too scared to act. I comb through my past relationships searching for the lessons in my pain. I obsess over the lies I was told and how I learned the truth. I’m naturally obsessive so residing […]

Nihilism is not for me.

When I stopped believing in the Christian God I felt a hole in my life, honestly. Religion was a huge part of my identity, most of it. and suddenly I had ripped away my covering from the reality of the world. Religion was my clothes and my protection. I watched this series of talks between […]

The joy of the Lord is my crutch.

Religion was a huge part of my childhood. I was baptized at eight, we were weekly church attenders for most of my life, and from the ages of sixteen until I was nineteen, I’d say I practically ate, breathed, and slept religion after “getting saved” and wanting to work in ministry. I took my faith […]

And God Said, “Don’t Talk About It”

This is a blog. This is not a diary. This is a stained glass view into the life and mind of a person who is bipolar. There is a book I want to recommend to anyone struggling to understand me called, “An Unquiet Mind: A Memoir of Moods and Madness” by Kat Redfiled Jamison. Its […]