Tag: mom

I was a victim of narcissistic abuse.

When I was 15, I attempted to drown myself in my bathtub. I envisioned myself slipping down the drain into a prison of shit. This is where I belong, this is what I deserve. The ripples from under the surface of the water, distorted the lights above me, but they clearly continued to spread throughout […]

The Hard Years of Marraige.

Today, my husband and I celebrate 4 years of marriage. This was our first official year of homeownership, and we celebrated 7 years of being in love this summer. All the dangerous years of marriage wrapped up into the perfect storm. Coming into our marriage, neither of us really knew what we were doing. My […]

Bitter & Spicy.

I didn’t hate myself until the first time I had my heart broken. I was very young, and I fell in love with a boy who was also very young. He preferred a certain flavor of women, and I was not that flavor, though I attempted to adjust myself accordingly. When the time came and […]

The Pain of Existence.

I sit here today with a cold empty nothingness that once held someone important. I think to myself, Why? Why is living so goddamn hard? Why is pain so inevitable? Where is the padded room for my tender loving soul? Why is life a box of broken glass and why do I keep reaching into […]

Don’t Live Anywhere But The Present.

I’m a classic over-thinker. Nightly, I revisit conversations that went poorly, times I didn’t speak up, moments I was too scared to act. I comb through my past relationships searching for the lessons in my pain. I obsess over the lies I was told and how I learned the truth. I’m naturally obsessive so residing […]

Nihilism is not for me.

When I stopped believing in the Christian God I felt a hole in my life, honestly. Religion was a huge part of my identity, most of it. and suddenly I had ripped away my covering from the reality of the world. Religion was my clothes and my protection. I watched this series of talks between […]

The joy of the Lord is my crutch.

Religion was a huge part of my childhood. I was baptized at eight, we were weekly church attenders for most of my life, and from the ages of sixteen until I was nineteen, I’d say I practically ate, breathed, and slept religion after “getting saved” and wanting to work in ministry. I took my faith […]