Tag: religion

I was a victim of narcissistic abuse.

When I was 15, I attempted to drown myself in my bathtub. I envisioned myself slipping down the drain into a prison of shit. This is where I belong, this is what I deserve. The ripples from under the surface of the water, distorted the lights above me, but they clearly continued to spread throughout […]

Bitter & Spicy.

I didn’t hate myself until the first time I had my heart broken. I was very young, and I fell in love with a boy who was also very young. He preferred a certain flavor of women, and I was not that flavor, though I attempted to adjust myself accordingly. When the time came and […]

The Pain of Existence.

I sit here today with a cold empty nothingness that once held someone important. I think to myself, Why? Why is living so goddamn hard? Why is pain so inevitable? Where is the padded room for my tender loving soul? Why is life a box of broken glass and why do I keep reaching into […]

Don’t Live Anywhere But The Present.

I’m a classic over-thinker. Nightly, I revisit conversations that went poorly, times I didn’t speak up, moments I was too scared to act. I comb through my past relationships searching for the lessons in my pain. I obsess over the lies I was told and how I learned the truth. I’m naturally obsessive so residing […]

Nihilism is not for me.

When I stopped believing in the Christian God I felt a hole in my life, honestly. Religion was a huge part of my identity, most of it. and suddenly I had ripped away my covering from the reality of the world. Religion was my clothes and my protection. I watched this series of talks between […]

The joy of the Lord is my crutch.

Religion was a huge part of my childhood. I was baptized at eight, we were weekly church attenders for most of my life, and from the ages of sixteen until I was nineteen, I’d say I practically ate, breathed, and slept religion after “getting saved” and wanting to work in ministry. I took my faith […]

And God Said, “Don’t Talk About It”

This is a blog. This is not a diary. This is a stained glass view into the life and mind of a person who is bipolar. There is a book I want to recommend to anyone struggling to understand me called, “An Unquiet Mind: A Memoir of Moods and Madness” by Kat Redfiled Jamison. Its […]